i feel like i’m going crazy half the time.

how am i supposed to do everything or anything?

i feel like a bad person because i cannot take care of myself because i have no time to do it, so others help me.

i feel like a bad friend because i have to cancel on people.

i feel very selfish because i’m trying to focus on MY homework and my work because i just have no time to get anything else done.

i feel very dumb because i don’t understand what i’m supposed learning.

what if i’m just not good at anything?  what if the law isn’t what i’m supposed to do?

what if i’m not supposed to do anything and i’m just supposed to be the way i am without school?

why does that option make me sad?

why do i think i’m better than i am?

why do i think i should be doing better?

what if this is just it.

sorry for anyone who i depress with this stuff.

if i tell people in real life, i’ll just cry or feel even more dumb.  

i’m an annoying person to be around.

i should just lie to people.  

and i eat too much.

there was a potluck at work and it was awesome.

On Mon-Thurs, I’ve been waking up early to work out before work.  Then, I have work.  Then, I go to school.  Doesn’t sound like much and it’s tiring.  I get home and I cannot sleep and I don’t understand what is going on in class.  The classes are so small that you have to participate or it’ll hurt your grade.

In between I try to eat somewhat healthy and move around a lot.  I try to ensure I have lunch breaks and I take walks.

And yet, THAT FUCKING STUFF MEANS CRAP.

I just gain more and more weight and I dont’ want to buy more clothes.  I am just going to weigh more than my bf and that LITERALLY  MAKES ME CRY.

So, I should just give up on that.

why get up early in the morning?  i could just starve myself and it’ll actually do something.

what is the point of working hard and not getting anything out of it?

seriously?

i’ll try to finish this semester, but i don’t have the passion nor smarts nor time nor energy to do this.

i think two weeks is enough to know at this point.  i have a job, i should just be happy i have a job.

Oh yes, law school.  In my advanced age of early 30s (not old, but it’s been ten years since I took a course), I’m back to school.

This week has been orientation.

I’ve already cried once (which, I’m not the only one because several of my classmates told me that’s what they did on Monday or Tuesday too).

It’s exciting, nervewracking, nuts, crazy…and I haven’t even started classes yet.  That’s on Monday.  Happy happy joy joy!

So, I hope I don’t drive myself too crazy because:

1. This is nuts

2. This is a lot of money

3. This feels like putting a lot of eggs in one basket.

I dunno if that makes sense.

I’m still working full-time.  I’m so tired.  I’m still going to the gym (before work).  So it’s going to be gym, work, school.

I hope I don’t get super fat or super crazy or super sleep deprived (which has already started to happen).

Friday are going to be so sweet.

I can’t wait for sleep, beer, and food.

Wish me luck please.  I need it!!!!!

yesterday’s episode, even a longer 90 minute (including commercials) was a good one!

i was amazed.

yes, there were cheesy moments (piano?  in a school yard?), but overall, good message, good songs, entertaining.  love it.

who doesn’t love baby push ups?  or a big dance number?

or someone breaking another’s nose because of his horrible dancing.

no sue sylvester.

i think the program is her.

now we have to be fearful of next week.

We’ll see.

However, I would like to note that I have NOT HAD FRIED CHICKEN.  My favorite! No chicken wings! 

Damn. I’m hungry.

Nooooooo they ran out of fish and chips!!!!!!

That counts.